"Why God, why??"
I'm not saying you shouldn't ask. You should. You should reveal to God what's in your heart, and not what ought to be there (I'm paraphrasing C.S. Lewis, because I can't find the exact quote). We all have confusion about life and we all have grief around loss. Let him know about it. This is an important step in the God dialogue. It's one that I'm convinced He wants. Go ahead and ask "why?".
"Why did you let that happen? "
"Why is there pain in the world?"
"Why are you taking so long? "
"Why don't you fix it?"
"Why did you make mosquitoes?"
These are precious to God.
Just like the kid in the back seat is allowed a few are-we-there-yets, so are we. He's a good dad.
But it does get annoying after a while.
Eventually you will reach the bottom of your bucketful of whys. And the stuff that's beneath them is more substantial. Yes, there are better questions than "why the hell did you let that happen?"
Let's turn the tables. Suppose the kid in the back seat started to inquire of the parent.
"Mommy, how are you feeling? Are you tired of driving? Would you like to chat? What station do you like? Can I take a shift driving?"
You may think, "Wow, that doesn't sound like a little kid. That sounds like a mature, caring adult in the passenger seat."
And you'd be right, friend.
You'd be right, indeed.
First, I'll say that the people who come to God with a good, honest "why?" are probably fewer than the people who don't talk to God at all. Still fewer are the ones who ask "why?" with the intent of starting a conversation, one where they expect God to chime in.
But you're one in a million if you can get past the whys.
Here it is in action:
"Hi God! Here's my pail of whys. Sheesh, they bother me. Can you explain them to me?"
"Daughter! I love hearing from you. I'm delighted that you are here. Of course I'll explain."
"Now did you get all that?" says God.
"Not quite. Well, just barely, if I'm honest. I'm not sure I understand."
"That makes sense, because I am God and you are a human. You should keep trying to understand though. It's worth the effort. But can you understand that I love you and that it hurts me when you hurt?"
"Yeah, I think I got that."
"That's more important."
*A clunk is heard as she sets the bucketful of whys down on the ground next to God. She sits cross-legged.*
"Okay, thanks for caring about all that, God. Now, what is on your heart? What makes you weep, sir? How can I weep with you? What are you concerned about today? How can I take action? What brings you joy? How can I be enthralled by that as well?"
And just like the parent would be delighted with the inquisitive child in the car, God would be delighted as well.